给来自加州的新邻居的一封信：
亲爱的来自加州的朋友：
写在2025新纽约市长上任之前。
欢迎你来到我们美丽的自由之地！
我们知道，你可能刚刚结束了一段艰难的旅程——
搬出了堵得要命的405高速，告别了$6一加仑的汽油，挥别了地税高得能把房子吃掉的老家。你终于来到了一个空气新鲜、生活节奏不靠大喊大叫推动的地方。
首先，请允许我们为你准备一份**“文化适应指南”**，方便你尽快融入这片自由的土地：
✅ 我们这里有几个习惯：
-
这儿的“公共安全”不靠“冥想引导员”，靠的是巡逻的警察叔叔，和每个愿意打靶的邻居。
-
如果你看到一辆卡车贴着“Don’t Tread on Me”，那是欢迎你打招呼，不是要举报你。
-
教育我们孩子的老师，不会因为小学生画了美军而让他去反省“帝国主义遗产”。
-
我们相信努力工作，不太习惯一开口就说“政府该给我一个什么”。
🧠 小提醒：
我们理解你可能“不小心把票也打包带来了”，但请你思考一下：
你搬来，是为了逃离你投出来的那套生活，
还是为了在这里重新复制那场灾难？
别担心，我们不是不欢迎你，我们只是
拒绝再被“你们投票、我们搬家”这个循环继续恶性发展。
🧃 Bonus：当地俚语速通班
| 红州说法 | 含义 | 加州翻译器 |
|---|---|---|
| “I’ll pray for ya” | 你说这话太蠢了，我不想吵 | 微笑退出Zoom会议 |
| “Bless your heart” | 哇你居然真的这么想 | “我们听到你了，但我们不同意” |
| “Freedom” | 自己的地自己决定 | 你以为你能不交税？ |
| “No mask needed” | 呼吸是一种自由 | “你不怕死吗！” |
🏁 最后：
欢迎你来，但请你记住：
-
这不是加州的延伸地带，这是你逃出来的目的地。
-
我们的制度不是完美，但能让你愿意搬来，说明它有点用。
-
若你实在怀念老地方那套——别担心，机票很便宜，单程。
衷心祝你在这里过上真正自由、清醒、不被意识形态绑架的生活。
当然，如果你开始抱怨油太便宜、孩子太传统、警察太有权……
我们会第一时间提醒你：
“你知道谁的锅。”
爱你的，
你那个开着皮卡，冰箱里有三把枪，孩子上教会小学，
从没想过要“向旧金山看齐”的邻居。
Dear Friend from California,
Written in anticipation of New York City’s new mayor, 2025.
Welcome to our beautiful land of freedom!
We know you’ve just come through a rough journey—
You escaped the gridlock of the 405, said goodbye to $6 gas, and finally cut ties with property taxes that eat your house alive. You've arrived in a place where the air is fresh, the pace is sane, and shouting doesn’t substitute for governance.
Before you settle in, allow us to offer a little “Cultural Adaptation Guide” to help you get comfortable in our neck of the woods:
✅ Around here, we have a few habits:
-
“Public safety” doesn’t depend on “mindfulness coordinators,” but on patrol cops and neighbors who can hit a bullseye at 100 yards.
-
If you see a pickup with a “Don’t Tread on Me” sticker, that’s a friendly wave—not a call to HR.
-
Our teachers don’t send kids to reflect on “imperialist legacies” for drawing a picture of the U.S. military.
-
We believe in hard work, and we’re not in the habit of beginning conversations with, “The government owes me…”
🧠 A gentle reminder:
We understand you may have “accidentally packed your ballot” when you moved. But ask yourself this:
Did you leave to escape the policies you voted for,
or are you here to recreate the disaster in a new zip code?
Don’t worry, we don’t hate you—we just
refuse to go through another cycle of: “You vote, we move.”
🧃 Bonus: Local Phrase Translator
| Red State Phrase | Real Meaning | Californian Interpretation |
|---|---|---|
| “I’ll pray for ya” | That’s the dumbest thing I’ve heard, and I’m done arguing. | Silently logs off Zoom. |
| “Bless your heart” | Wow, you really think that, huh? | “We hear you, but we disagree.” |
| “Freedom” | I own my land, my life, and my choices. | “Wait, are you saying you don’t want to pay taxes?” |
| “No mask needed” | Breathing is a God-given right. | “Are you trying to kill me!?” |
🏁 Finally:
Welcome. But please remember:
-
This isn’t an extension of California. It’s the place you fled to.
-
Our system isn’t perfect—but it clearly worked well enough to attract you here.
-
And if you ever start missing that old way of life—
don’t worry, one-way flights are cheap.
Wishing you a life of real freedom, clarity, and escape from ideological bondage.
Of course, if you start complaining about cheap gas, traditional schools, or empowered police...
We’ll be quick to remind you:
“You know whose fault that was.”
Love,
Your neighbor with the pickup truck, three guns in the fridge, a kid in Christian school,
and not a single urge to “turn this place into San Francisco.”
评论
发表评论